Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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