I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
