there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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