I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
two words...techno handjob
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
40s are totally the cure
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
