addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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