I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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