I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
