What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i love accidental penises.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
