The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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