I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
