So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
