i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
