I can feel you judging me through the phone.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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