Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
