You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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