WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
