12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
