She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
