What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize