gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
