I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
