he wants to bone in the snuggie
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
we should paint friendship bongs
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