ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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