There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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