Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm at about main and main street
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
