Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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