Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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