ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
