I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
