You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
