So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
