haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
i believe in u and ur pee
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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