I hate your face
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
