halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
