I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
