PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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