The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
