i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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