I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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