considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
