we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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