I didn't shave. On purpose
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
