Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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