her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
