Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
