Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
