I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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