I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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