Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
