I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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