lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
