Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
