i'm signing you up for texting rehab
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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