went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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