I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
