I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i think my mom watched the whole time
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
