I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
