i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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