Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
