Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
