if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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