I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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