how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize