i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
