I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
