just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
we're so committed to being not committed
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize